Every time you tell yourself that you are fat, ugly, frumpy, too tall, too short, too this, too that, your body listens. Thinking about your body in this way is harmful to your confidence and it means that over time, all you see in the mirror, are the parts that you don’t like. The good bits get lost and forgotten, like precious toys thrown to the back of a cupboard.
When you feel crap about the way you look, you don’t want to see anyone, you don’t want to go to that party, you don’t want to have your photo taken and you want to blend into the background.
It’s normal to feel that way (particularly around your period!) but if you find this is becoming a recurrent thing, it’s time to look at ways of breaking the cycle, before you become completely reclusive. I can’t promise that you will feel confident every day (not even celebrities do), but I can promise there are ways of changing your mindset and rewiring your brain to make the good days more frequent than the bad.
I have parts about my body that I’m not keen on. Yes I am a stylist that promotes body positivity, but I have my own body hangups that come and go. But that’s half the reason I am good at my job, is that I totally GET how you feel. I never tell anyone the parts about myself that I’m not so keen on (after all, how boring is that for conversation?!). Instead, I focus on the bits I DO like.
I like my legs, I like my collarbones, I like my arms, I like my boobs and I like my eyes. More than anything, I like my personality and that wins every time, no matter what you’re wearing!
If I am having a day when my hair isn’t going right or I am not feeling so hot about the way I look, I focus on the good. I wear an outfit that shows off a good part of my body or I tell a funny story on Instagram to make people laugh. I don’t hide away in a baggy outfit, I don’t shy away from social media and I certainly don’t cancel plans.
I never weigh myself, I never compare myself and I try to follow my own path with what I wear, say and do.
A month ago I was on a lot of medication for my asthma that left me breathless, sleepless and depleted of energy. Taking my selfie photos in the morning was so hard because I felt like death most days and would have to wipe the sweat from my face where my body was really struggling. It would have been easy for me to hide away and only show you my good days, but that’s not reality is it?
Instead, I wore lots of pretty dresses that month, I did regular face masks, upped my tanning regime and treated myself to lovely new makeup. I changed my diet, I cut out alcohol, caffeine and prioritised sleep, rest and self-care. I felt dreadful in myself but making that effort each day, made me feel so much more positive.
Don’t neglect yourself. If you’re feeling crap, don’t drown your sorrows with more wine in the evening which leads to bad sleep, slugglishness and a low mood the following day. Look after yourself from the inside out and care for yourself in every way possible.
Surround yourself with good people. My circle is small, tight and I only let certain people in, who make me feel energised and loved. Note how you feel after you have seen certain friends. Do you feel positive afterwards or do you come away feeling a little bit down about yourself? Surround yourself with those that lift you up, not the ones that try to bring you down.
I know that a lot of you can struggle even naming one part of yourself that you like. But I bet if you thought about it, you could come up with something – even if it’s just your fingernails. Paint them a bright colour!
Ask a friend within your ‘circle of trust’ to tell you 3 positive things about your appearance. Don’t dismiss them. Thank them for their words, write them down and really focus on them, even if you don’t believe what they say. Use them as affirmations, tell yourself every day that you have good legs, a great waist and a lovely smile.
Focusing on the good, eradicates the bad. It gives less energy to the bad and it makes it less of a big deal.
Nobody else notices the bits you don’t like. Nobody cares, and I will tell you why….because everyone is so worried about how THEY look, they don’t have the capacity to focus on your thread veins/tummy/bum/ankles.
It’s possible to love your body and it’s possible to find confidence and self love. You just need to train your mind, like you’d train your body if you were running a marathon.
Keep at it every day and you’ll get there. Your body and mind will thank you for it xx